Practicing Trust in God

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When I was preparing for marriage, I was frightened by the enormity of my decision. Plagued with “what ifs” and fear of failure, I nearly backed out of the engagement. But then I looked back on my past and realized I had never been homeless or starving, and I saw that I had always had the necessities of life. Why should I fear that God should plan any less for me now? I needed to stop worrying about security and look to what it meant to love. I willed myself to trust in the future offered me and to accept married life with all its risks.

That future is pretty scary right now. The familiar has passed away. Jobs are uncertain, people we love have passed away, role models have fallen from their pedestals, we don’t understand our children, and our grandkids might as well be from Mars. What has always been is no longer. But what hasn’t changed, is God’s love. Despite all the uncertainty and changes in our lives, He is always there looking out for us, loving us.

Still I’m hesitant to put myself completely in His care. After all, we aren’t expected to NOT plan and prepare. Faith is not a license to do as we please without regard to the consequences. I still see my weaknesses and failure. Why, I ask myself, should the Almighty God care about this broken example of humanity? What if He were to let me down?

God took great care to decorate the fields with lilies; he cares so much for the sparrows, so why do I think I’m unworthy of his love and concern? God didn’t make all the flowers perfect. Not all the birds sing lovely songs. God understands. We are offered Christ’s own righteousness to be clothed in, not because we are perfect, but because we aren’t.

I need to practice trust in God. I need to place my faith in Him, not in my education and work skills, not in my husband’s job, not in the lottery. Like those Christ warned in today’s reading, I need to drop my focus on mammon – wealth and worldly goals. I need to remember, that the lilies don’t bloom all year round, but they are still there, under the snow. God is still with me, even during the hard times. With faith as the center of my life, material things loose their importance to my happiness. If I change my priorities I can focus on spiritual health, on the joy of love and the joy of being loved by the heavenly Father.

This week my husband and I will celebrate 42 years of marriage. We’ll continue our journey together through life, for richer or poor, for better or worse, until death do us part. God will be with us always.

Linda Crowley